Titanic Trash !



It would seem that at long last the madness that satirised the media and the people of Northern Ireland is finally coming to an end. With all the hype and the hysteria propagated by the television and the newspapers over the last three weeks one might be forgiven for thinking, what on earth was the point of it all and what useful purpose did it actually serve.

The grand structure that dominates the Titanic Quarter in the old "Yard", is finally open. It is a glorious sight, so I am told, yet I will reserve judgement until I actually visit the so called masterpiece. I am not convinced that it was worth the millions it cost to build it. Is it more profitable to the people of Northern Ireland that a man should die on a hospital trolley in the Royal Victoria Hospital, (part of a litany of problems within the NHS in NI), or to have this beautiful building that is simply a delight to the senses?

On Sunday last we had the pleasure of watching the so called great and good of Belfast City Council unveil the "new" Titanic Memorial Garden. What was wrong with the old one is beyond me, but frankly it must have been very important to flutter Belfast Rate Payers money away on this, rather than deal with the social housing shortage in the city. Oh it twas a grand affair, I daresay Ismay, Captain Smith, Thomas Andrews and the faithful departed would have been proud to have Brian Kennedy sing "You raise me up" in the hallowed hours of a Sabbath Morning. I am not a member of the Lord's Day Observance Society, but if I would join if they are against Brian Kennedy singing on a Sunday morning.

Then we had the delightful Noel Thompson, of BBC Newsline fame, prancing about on stage, his last "Hurrah" I suspect before he is replaced by a younger model, although Mark Cruthers hardly qualifies.

A simple affair would have sufficed, not this mockery that we had to endure on Sunday. I use the term mockery for that is what it was. Memories of tragic events are often kept deep within the soul and that is were they should stay. Rather than using it as the "flagship" to advance the image of Northern Ireland World Wide. Perhaps in another 100 years we will have commemorations of the bombings and shootings of the conflict, indeed they could host the MTV Music awards in the Bogside on the anniversary of Bloody Sunday !

It's not all doom and gloom, a load of Titanic Enthusiasts or should that be sycophants went to the grid coordinates of the sinking. How charming. How repulsive. Hopefully this is the end of the end of the matter and we can all get on with the rest of our lives.

The outrage of Numenorian Exile #1 "The Chaplain to the Titanic Quarter"



An aggrieved Numenorian Exile attacks a metaphorical representation of the ludicrous idea "Chaplain to the Titanic Quarter"



The description of Numenorian Exile's blog reads, Liturgy, Reflection, and Muse, however there are occasions when Noble Knight needs to speak out against ludicrous, absurd, ridiculous, and downright farcical ideas. Particularly ideas from the Church. (When Nmenorian Exile refers to the Church, he means that part of the Anglican Communion in Ireland).

Noble Knight wants to make clear from the very start that he is not attacking the person, character, or nature of the Rev Chris Bennett, that is not what Numenorian Exile does. Numenorian Exile is attacking the nonsensical idea that he is part of and what indeed the Lord Bishop of Down and Dromore, (Rt Rev Harold Millar), is also a party to.

In the two thousandth and eleventh year of Lord, the Rt Rev Harold Millar, The Lord Bishop of Down and Dromore, introduced the Rev Chris Bennett as "Chaplain to the Titanic Quarter". The Titanic Quarter Parish was created at the request of M'Lord  Bishop Millar. The parish stretches from       the Odyssey Complex to the far end of Queen's Island with the Lagan as a boundary on the one side and the Sydenham Bypass on the other. In short this new parish is in effect the old Harland and Wolff Shipyard.

The Bishop proclaimed at the time, "We have no idea what the church is going to look like in the Titanic Quarter", although recently it has come to the ears of Numenorian Exile that the Church is to be a boat anchored in the River Lagan. This raises three fundamental questions, firstly. who is financing this floating Temple of the LORD? Secondly Numenorian Exile thought that the River Lagan was the boundary? Would it not be better that the church was actually in the Parish? Well that is a silly question, surly it's far more advantageous for the Diocese of Down and Dromore to have, in modern parlance, "a happy clapper boat", on the Lagan, with a "chill out zone", (whatever that is ?), and a nice little bourgeois middle class talking shop. Thirdly who is the mission directed to? Nobody actually lives in the quarter or rather there is not actually a community based there, among the waste ground and dry docks of Belfast's industrial heritage. This leads Numenorian Exile to ask a fourth question, "How can the Bishop justify having a full time stipendiary Priest overseeing a mission in an area that is effectively waste ground, business accommodation, leisure complexes and car parks?"

Now, Numenorian Exile has investigated the website, "The Dock Church", in order to ascertain the mission statement of the Church. I mean you would think that being a "Church" it would have a mission statement, well it has one of sorts. It has a "Vision Statement",Numenorian Exile assumes this is a trendy way of saying this is our confession of faith, purpose, and mission. Looking through the vision statement Noble Knight's eye caught a glance at the estimated size of the new community, "twenty thousand in  modern apartments". These "Yuppie" apartments are not built as yet, indeed the last time Numenorian Exile visited his Castle he did not observe the building of apartment blocks, therefore Numenorian Exile's question still stands, "How can the Bishop justify this".

Numenorian Exile examines the Vision Statement.

The Dock Church.

A very bold statement indeed, and one that no reasonable Knight could take issue with ? Not so!Numenorian Exile views this as the typical trendy church talk that is very, very popular in this day and age, yet Noble knight knows how to decode this puke. It should read as follows, "We are all very nice people, and we have very nice ideas, indeed we are well meaning, but actually we are just a talking shop that detracts from the real issues and the real need for mission." (Numenorian Exile will tackle "mission" later as it is the key to Numenorian Exile's outrage)

 Vision of the Dock Church
This is a very popular post modern view of what the Church should be and what the Church should do. In this paragraph Numenorian Exile discerns two things, firstly that this "new Church", will be a sort of community centre/ social workers base. There is nothing wrong with pastoral care, indeed it is a bulwark of the Christian Faith, but what is being proposed here is far from it. What is being proposed is a gossip factory, much like a cafe. Secondly Numenorian Exile sees who the target of this "Mission" actually are. (More on that later)

    More on the Dock Church Vision
Is this a Parish Church or not? What exactly is this supposed to be? What is the point of having yet another meeting place with coffee and newspapers and that sort of tripe? Is that what the Bishop thinks is going to bring people to Christ ? Can you image it? A typical Belfast working class male, "Alright mate, I will have a copy of the Newslatter and a cup of Caffee", Titanic Chaplain, "Certainly, would you like decaf or non decaf Gospel with that?" Perhaps Numenorian Exile is going over the top in his example, this boat will not cater for the working class, this boat will cater for the new Urban Man in his lush apartment and do you think he will want to stop and chat?

THE ACTUAL OUTRAGE OF NUMENORIAN EXILE !
Now, Numenorian Exile has explained what this new Parish is, what it will look like and what the vision statement is all about. Why is Numenorian Exile so annoyed? Well it is quite simple it's the mission aspect of the whole thing. Numenorian Exile does not care for bunkum and there is an awful lot of bunkum associated with the so called mission! Numenorian Exile is angry because in the last three years two churches on the Newtownards Road, (an arterial road that runs through the heart of East Belfast to the City Centre, that fed the Ship Yard with workers over the decades), have been deconsecrated, the two churches belonged to Down and Dromore and were Anglican, and both are just a stones throw from the Ship yard. Of course there is also Ballymarcarrett Parish Church, (formally St Patrick's Church of Ireland), a church built with the proportions of a Cathedral, that has a congregation that is on the decline, and is supposedly the base of outreach and mission in that area. (Which it has failed to do)!

So you can see why Numenorian Exile is so annoyed with those that are part of this scheme and who brand it with missionary zeal, the fact of the matter is simple, the road on which live the descendents of those that built the Titanic is in need of outreach from the Church, yet, that community has been ignored by the Bishop, in favour of a Parish made up of no one but seagulls and stray dogs. Speaking of dogs, the dogs in the street know that this is a farcical idea and that the actual priority of the Church should be the revitalisation of the Parish of Ballymacarrett and not some trendy scheme to get people into a church that does not exists and even when it does will not serve the people of Ballymacarett Parish.

I shall continue to pray for the Parish of Ballymacarett and I shall continue to vent my outrage about this at every possible opportunity, put simply, would it not be better to have a missionary Priest on the Newtownards Road, rather than on waste ground ?



Titanic : Is that a sinking sound I can hear ?

Titanic Memorial, Belfast City Hall. This marble figure was designed by Sir Thomas Brock, (designer of many well known monuments, including the Victoria Memorial in front of Buckingham Palace), it depicts Thane, the Goddess of Death. A very fine memorial it was unveiled in 1920.

The sinking of RMS Titanic occurred on the night of the 14/15th of April 1912 in the North Atlantic Ocean, four days into her maiden voyage. The ship as every Belfast Boy knows, was built in the great shipyard of Harland and Wolf, by, but not exclusively, the working class men of East Belfast. A great achievement by the master craftsmen of that by gone era.

Attending Primary School in Belfast, a stones throw from, "The Yard", (Colloquial term for the shipyard), we were taught the glory of that achievement, she was the largest ship, she was the fastest ship, she was built by the graft and labour of Belfast men, she was ours, and she was glorious, twas a sad day when she sank. Indeed no one in their right frame of mind could deny any of these statements, indeed it is right and proper that we should remember such a monumental achievement in our history, and that it is my point, we should remember, but we should no cash in on it, as seems to be the fashion in Northern Ireland these days!

I am well aware that it is the centenary year of that cataclysmic event, but I think that there are things going on, quite stupendously  insensitive things that really rather annoy me. Firstly, it does not matter that this is the 100th Anniversary, because for as long as I can remember, BBC Newsline, UTV, The Belfast Telegraph, and others, (those listed are the chief protagonists), always, without fail, on a regular basis include some trashy piece of media news relating to the Titanic, and to be frank, people are fed up with it.

Here are some examples-

http://www.newsletter.co.uk/news/local/titanic_will_be_bigger_than_the_olympics_1_3428826

http://www.newsletter.co.uk/news/local/plaque_honours_titanic_orphan_1_3501585

http://www.newsletter.co.uk/news/local/titanic_explorer_in_city_visit_1_3201989

http://www.newsletter.co.uk/news/local/titanic_relics_surface_for_first_time_in_ulster_1_2669181

http://www.newsletter.co.uk/news/local/titanic_expert_remembered_1_1840414

I know, I know, "this is but one source Noble Knight", I hear you cry, well to be frank, this is only the tip of the ice-berg, (pardon the pun), for you see this deluge infects the whole of the media in Northern Ireland, and I think that it is high time it stopped, I believe that after this year the whole thing should be dropped, although I know that is not going to happen, too much money has been invested in the Titanic regeneration project in Belfast's docklands, but honestly I don't think that it will serve the community that built her any good! Would the money not be better invested in developing apprenticeship schemes in that area for the hearty descendent of the master craftsmen that built her? Rather than empty office suites and "Yuppie" apartments? Obviously not, casing in on a tragedy and filling the coffers of the Irish Tourist board is far more important.

"Oh Noble Knight, it will be good for the economy, think of all those tourists with money to burn", yes quite, but having spoken to tourists who have visited the waste ground where it was built, it seems that it was somewhat an anticlimax for them. "Oh Noble Knight, we will build a museum", yes fair enough but I don't see why there must also be a leisure complex attached to that, what next bouncy icebergs and a slide for children in the shape of the sinking liner? It's sounds fantastical, I know, but I would not put it past the folks of Belfast City Council.

Even worse, the creme de la creme of it all, Dr Phillip Hammond has composed a Requiem Mass for the lost souls of the Titanic, to be performed in Latin in St Anne's Cathedral Belfast, I am a lover of music and I enjoy a Mass, (from time to time, particularly if they are Papal, the Vatican puts on the greatest show on earth as far as I am concerned), but this is ridiculous, why it has to be in Latin, a language that the majority of people who died on the doomed ship, and the people who built the majestic liner, did not speak! I have heard some drivel in my time, but this takes the biscuit, of course I heard the usual self indulgent nonsense on BBC Radio Ulster's "Sunday Sequence", from the artist in question, such rubbish about doing it for the memory of the people. No !  you are, (let's be honest), doing it to sail on the Titanic Cash bonanza, rather like a gravy boat, except it stops more often and you can help yourself as many times as you like to the goodies up for grabs.

So will I buy the CD? No I think I would rather sing a Mariners hymn, "Eternal Father Strong to save", one that was sung on the ship and, "Nearer my God to Thee", non of this "confutatis maledictis" nonsense.

There is a great legacy that we would do well to remember, but not to the gross extent that seems to be going on around us. There are a great many other things that Belfast can offer!